Mandated tracking systems to be installed on new cars in 2020

A new federal law set to go into effect in 2020 will require automotive manufacturers to install tracking systems in all new vehicles which can alert authorities to unsafe drivers. Continue reading

8-year-old looking forward to free Halloween drugs

Local 8-year-old Michael Gruden is looking forward to Halloween this year after early reports that he should be on the lookout for drugs in his candy. Continue reading

Guyger conviction prevents cops from safely doing their job

Dallas police officer Amber Guyger was convicted of murder today after shooting her neighbor Botham Shem Jean in his apartment. Guyger’s defense rested on the claim that she mistakenly entered the wrong apartment, believing it was her own, and found Jean who she believed was a burglar who was eating ice cream on his couch. Additionally, marijuana was found in his apartment, which is known to make suspects aggressive in behavior. Continue reading

Chipping workers and monitoring their every move will make them more efficient

Restroom usage, casual conversations, leaning against the wall, blinking eyes, and generally unnecessary movement stops costs companies trillions in wasted productivity. This results in businesses having to pay unreasonable amounts of money to slacking employees who come to work but end up taking advantage of employers. This can be solved by measuring the bio-metrics of workers to ensure that they can no longer game the system and steal from the backbone of America. Continue reading

County to hire employees for ability to ignore irate citizens

Altruria County is set to hire hundreds of new employees later this month after the passage of several new tax measures.

Each department will see their ranks increase as part of a plan to create a better government according to a statement released by the commissioners’ court. Local residents can expect to see their new public servants to receive high pay, strong benefits, and to work far fewer days than private sector employees. Continue reading

Opioid addicts must experience the consequences of their actions

It is time we effectively tackle the opioid issue as we have previous problems by enforcing the consequences. Continue reading

Congress debates guns and abortion simultaneously

Congress took an unusual turn this week by negotiating abortion and gun rights at the same time. Continue reading