Category Archives: Business

Chipping workers and monitoring their every move will make them more efficient

Restroom usage, casual conversations, leaning against the wall, blinking eyes, and generally unnecessary movement stops costs companies trillions in wasted productivity. This results in businesses having to pay unreasonable amounts of money to slacking employees who come to work but end up taking advantage of employers. This can be solved by measuring the bio-metrics of workers to ensure that they can no longer game the system and steal from the backbone of America. Continue reading

Local Christians unconcerned about business owner’s open anti-Christian policy

Wallace's Grocery

After a local business owner publicly denounced the Christian way of life, Christians in the area have largely reacted with indifference. Continue reading

Man spanks wet monkey in middle of Walmart


Police were called to a local Walmart after customers reported a man spanking his monkey while in the clothing section.

Upon arrival, police tackled Geraldo Santos after a brief chase and promptly charged him with evading arrest, disturbing the peace, and assault on an officer after he wiped a sticky substance in a responder’s face. Continue reading