Congress debates guns and abortion simultaneously

Congress took an unusual turn this week by negotiating abortion and gun rights at the same time.

A group of legislators known as the Capitulation Caucus is attempting to make progress on both issues by having each side concede some of their rights.

One such proposal would restrict abortion to before eight weeks, while also requiring that gun owners undergo mental health exams if they want to carry a firearm outside their home. Some legislators claim this is a good “middle ground” on these issues as otherwise it would be preferred that abortion and the carry of a firearm both be illegal.

“It’s not ideal, but it is win-win for the American people” stated Rep. Laura Raines of Ohio.

A handful of other legislators were in opposition to such proposals however, stating that this would lead to a severe erosion of civil liberties at the expense of “unhealthy progress.”

Rep. Bob Altruria of Texas went on record to remark that this is a dangerous path, trading civil liberties for the sake of appearing to take action on these issues. “It is unfortunate that protections under federal law are up to be gambled away in hopes of hurting the other side. We cannot afford to keep doing business as usual, the American people are constantly on the losing end.”

Members of the Capitulation Caucus dismissed those concerns however, calling them childish.

“This is the game of politics and how it is played” stated Rep. Janet Spencer of Oklahoma, adding “we are getting things done, and that’s what counts. You can either play politics the way you are supposed to, or be ineffective and idealistic.”

Rep. Spencer went on to state, “Everyone knows that we trade freedoms for order and safety.”

There is no word yet on when these proposals are expected to be voted on.

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