County to hire employees for ability to ignore irate citizens

Altruria County is set to hire hundreds of new employees later this month after the passage of several new tax measures.

Each department will see their ranks increase as part of a plan to create a better government according to a statement released by the commissioners’ court. Local residents can expect to see their new public servants to receive high pay, strong benefits, and to work far fewer days than private sector employees.

“The more people we employ, and the fewer days that these people have to work, the stronger our community becomes” states Commissioner Will Gibson, who spearheaded much of the spending increases. “We’re stimulating the economy and providing the highest quality services” he adds.

The county expects to be done hiring by the end of the year, and the process will take about four months for each potential employee. Those interested in being employed by the county will have to sit for a number of tests to determine their effectiveness to perform their jobs. Those with the lowest scores will be hired.

Testing includes being able to look busy, effectively passing off upset tax payers without forwarding them to any other county employees, and being publicly supportive of raising home values in order to generate more tax revenue.

Current county employees found to be adequately performing their jobs could find themselves sent for new training after their reinforcements arrive on the job.

“The ability to handle irate citizens is paramount to the job,” states Gibson. “We have a lot of people that come to the county who are upset, and it’s important that as few of our employees have to experience this as possible.

Those interested will need to complete a four hour application process, field several phone calls, and if currently employed, take time off work for the extensive testing before coming in for several rounds of interviews.

“This is a great opportunity for locals to learn more about their government at work” Gibson states.

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