DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a “gentleman.” He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink. As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today are different from those of the past, and my guess it’s because the pierced and tattooed gals today speak and act like sailors, therefore ruining it for the rest of us. Am I right? — PUZZLED IN FLORIDA
It would hard for someone to be more right than you are, because the honest truth is that when women—we use the term loosely, as we must—get tattoos and body piercings, they prevent you from being able to order food at a restaurant. These thoughtless, body-defiling tarts think little of how their actions will affect other people who rely on them for the ability to read a menu and speak to a server. Continue reading
A national environmentalist group is lobbying the government for new regulations on Christmas advertising in an attempt to make Santa more eco-friendly.
The Organization for Environmental Progress, or OEP, has submitted proposed regulations to congress which would change the way advertisements portray Santa Clause by restricting references to him giving out coal as a present. Continue reading
In an attempt to secure their economic interests, pimps across the country are organizing to protest and lobby against efforts to legalize prostitution.
“It’s hard for a pimp out there!” stated A Pimp Named Slipback. “We can’t be having bitches running their own lives; what about us hard working pimps who provide turf security? We deserve our cut too. I mean, I hit my hoes a lot less than other pimps; and those who have to work for the gangs, well lets just say my bitches are in paradise. My working conditions are far better than others” he exclaimed. Continue reading
A Texas school has banned a song by country music singer George Strait because they say it is encouraging sexual promiscuity in students. They are currently looking at banning the singer entirely for fear of the message he is sending to kids.
It all began when a gym teacher from Altruria ISD found two fifth grade students kissing on the playground. They say it began with the passing of a note in class earlier that day which asked the other student to check yes or no if they would “love” them later on. School administrators fear that the term love is now becoming a code word for intercourse. Continue reading
After a local business owner publicly denounced the Christian way of life, Christians in the area have largely reacted with indifference. Continue reading
If you’re looking to score a Big Mac in New York, you might be out of luck. New regulations proposed in New York would effectively ban McDonald’s from the city.
You may remember not long ago there was an attempt to ban certain sizes of sodas, but ultimately the ban was ruled unconstitutional. Now there is a new approach to safety measures in the Big Apple. Continue reading