Two friends forget conversation, retrieve it from police in FOIA request

After a night of drinking and brainstorming great ideas, two locals forgot to write any of their thoughts down and were at a loss the next day when trying to remember what they talked about. Being resourceful though, they quickly devised a way to retrieve their seemingly lost conversation.

The two headed up to the Altruria Police Department and through a public information request, were able to get copies of recordings done by the department’s eavesdropping division. Continue reading

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Pimps organize to protest legalizing prostitution

sex-workers-rights

In an attempt to secure their economic interests, pimps across the country are organizing to protest and lobby against efforts to legalize prostitution.

“It’s hard for a pimp out there!” stated A Pimp Named Slipback. “We can’t be having bitches running their own lives; what about us hard working pimps who provide turf security? We deserve our cut too. I mean, I hit my hoes a lot less than other pimps; and those who have to work for the gangs, well lets just say my bitches are in paradise. My working conditions are far better than others” he exclaimed. Continue reading

Texas school bans George Strait song for encouraging sexual promiscuity

Check-Yes-or-NoA Texas school has banned a song by country music singer George Strait because they say it is encouraging sexual promiscuity in students. They are currently looking at banning the singer entirely for fear of the message he is sending to kids.

It all began when a gym teacher from Altruria ISD found two fifth grade students kissing on the playground. They say it began with the passing of a note in class earlier that day which asked the other student to check yes or no if they would “love” them later on. School administrators fear that the term love is now becoming a code word for intercourse. Continue reading

Local Christians unconcerned about business owner’s open anti-Christian policy

Wallace's Grocery

After a local business owner publicly denounced the Christian way of life, Christians in the area have largely reacted with indifference. Continue reading

New York to effectively ban McDonald’s

mcdonalds-Big-MacIf you’re looking to score a Big Mac in New York, you might be out of luck. New regulations proposed in New York would effectively ban McDonald’s from the city.

You may remember not long ago there was an attempt to ban certain sizes of sodas, but ultimately the ban was ruled unconstitutional. Now there is a new approach to safety measures in the Big Apple. Continue reading

KKK wins lawsuit against bakery for discrimination

KKK

A Georgia court has ruled in favor of the KKK in a discrimination lawsuit.

A Georgia court has ruled in favor of Marshall Saxby, the Grand Wizard of a local KKK chapter, in a lawsuit stemming from two years ago when a local bakery denied him service. Continue reading

7 reasons why ending the War on Drugs would have dire consequences

We’d have a lot to lose by ending the War on Drugs. First of all, we’d lose the war, and who wants to be a loser? Continue reading