Category Archives: Politics

Two friends forget conversation, retrieve it from police in FOIA request

After a night of drinking and brainstorming great ideas, two locals forgot to write any of their thoughts down and were at a loss the next day when trying to remember what they talked about. Being resourceful though, they quickly devised a way to retrieve their seemingly lost conversation.

The two headed up to the Altruria Police Department and through a public information request, were able to get copies of recordings done by the department’s eavesdropping division. Continue reading

Pimps organize to protest legalizing prostitution

sex-workers-rights

In an attempt to secure their economic interests, pimps across the country are organizing to protest and lobby against efforts to legalize prostitution.

“It’s hard for a pimp out there!” stated A Pimp Named Slipback. “We can’t be having bitches running their own lives; what about us hard working pimps who provide turf security? We deserve our cut too. I mean, I hit my hoes a lot less than other pimps; and those who have to work for the gangs, well lets just say my bitches are in paradise. My working conditions are far better than others” he exclaimed. Continue reading

New York to effectively ban McDonald’s

mcdonalds-Big-MacIf you’re looking to score a Big Mac in New York, you might be out of luck. New regulations proposed in New York would effectively ban McDonald’s from the city.

You may remember not long ago there was an attempt to ban certain sizes of sodas, but ultimately the ban was ruled unconstitutional. Now there is a new approach to safety measures in the Big Apple. Continue reading

KKK wins lawsuit against bakery for discrimination

KKK

A Georgia court has ruled in favor of the KKK in a discrimination lawsuit.

A Georgia court has ruled in favor of Marshall Saxby, the Grand Wizard of a local KKK chapter, in a lawsuit stemming from two years ago when a local bakery denied him service. Continue reading

7 reasons why ending the War on Drugs would have dire consequences

We’d have a lot to lose by ending the War on Drugs. First of all, we’d lose the war, and who wants to be a loser? Continue reading

Island nation falls to Islamic rule

A small island nation based on Christian biblical law has fallen to Muslim rule. Christians are fleeing the country ahead of anticipated law changes. Continue reading

Pot legalization leads to riots in Washington and Colorado

Pictured above is a scene from the devastating destruction resulting from marijuana legalization.

Pictured above is a scene from the devastating destruction resulting from marijuana legalization.

Just eight months after Washington and Colorado voted to legalize marijuana, the states are already beginning to feel the detrimental haze set in as their economies are grinding to a halt.

Recent reports indicate homelessness has skyrocketed as pot heads lay in street gutters shooting up weed. Continue reading

Obama to meet and personally arm Syrian rebels with special ‘first gun’

Obama on arming Syrian rebels: "It will be different this time, I promise!"

Obama on arming Syrian rebels: “It will be different this time, I promise!”

President Obama will be moving forward with plans to arm Syrian rebels after congress gave its approval last month.

In a statement released by the White House, Obama is very optimistic about the move stating “I know that every time we’ve done something like this before, it has backfired on us, but this time will be different!” Continue reading

Cannabis missionaries arrested in Texas, may face death penalty

Pictured above: two texts commonly carried by a pair of cannabis missionaries recently arrested in Texas.

ALTRURIA, Texas — A pair of cannabis missionaries were arrested this past weekend in the small Texas town of Altruria, as the two men now face a possible death sentence for their actions. Continue reading

Texas legislature fails on abortion, passes masturbation bill

Texas legislators successfully pass pro-life bill.

Texas legislators successfully pass pro-life bill.

Coming down to the final minute as Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst forced Sen. Wendy Davis to end her filibuster, the legislature was unable to pass a widely decried abortion bill. The legislature was able to accomplish another aspect of their pro-life agenda though, a ban on male masturbation.

One Texas lawmaker joyously announced after the passing of the measure, “this marks a milestone for the pro-life movement! We must protect the unborn any way we can; I’m very proud that my fellow legislators voted to protect life, even in its earliest stages!” Continue reading