Pimps organize to protest legalizing prostitution


In an attempt to secure their economic interests, pimps across the country are organizing to protest and lobby against efforts to legalize prostitution.

“It’s hard for a pimp out there!” stated A Pimp Named Slipback. “We can’t be having bitches running their own lives; what about us hard working pimps who provide turf security? We deserve our cut too. I mean, I hit my hoes a lot less than other pimps; and those who have to work for the gangs, well lets just say my bitches are in paradise. My working conditions are far better than others” he exclaimed.

Legislatures in various states are considering legalizing one of the world’s oldest professions after realizing that it just doesn’t make any sense.

Rep. Joe Wolf stated to reporters “selling is legal, having sex is legal, pornography is legal, so it just makes no sense that prostitution is illegal.”

The pimps are finding legislators to support their efforts though, with many believing that the state has the right to regulate sex between consenting adults, and sees this as an excellent opportunity to go even further in banning certain immoral sexual acts.

Workers in the sex industry are hailing the proposal of legalization, saying that it’s a step in the right direction for civil and human rights as people gain more control over their lives and it brings new levels of safety to the occupation as they no longer have to worry about organized crime, brutal oppression, or being taken to jail. They also expect that workers will be able to better organize together to provide higher quality services and safety as they would then be able to enforce their own stricter guidelines.

Those in human trafficking are denouncing the move, calling it a major blow to their operations as legitimizing the industry would make it far harder for them to profit from sex slaves.

Legislators are waiting to hear support from their constituents before proceeding forward with helping increase civil rights and bringing a longstanding industry out of the black market.

By: George R.M. Spooner
Contact George via email at TribuneHeraldNews@gmail.com

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9 thoughts on “Pimps organize to protest legalizing prostitution

  1. bobo@glk.v November 11, 2013 at 4:16 pm Reply

    do you just make these stories up? I found this blog citied on facebook. None of these articles have names or sources, you are a one man pulling it out of your ass machine.

    • dylan.mfh November 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm Reply

      From my understanding most of this is satire (made up)

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