Child smokes K2, eats dolls face

20130518-064302.jpg

ALTRURIA, Texas — A six-year-old child accused of biting a dolls head off in a kindergarten classroom allegedly smoked K2, also known as “Spice,” before the incident.

Although school officials remain silent on the event, authorities from the Altruria police department were called to Altruria Elementary School on Friday afternoon, May 17, after a pipe and small bag of K2 were found in the child’s possession following an incident where the child allegedly bit the head off of a doll in a kindergarten classroom.

The child told authorities he obtained the substance from his uncle, who smokes the incense due to random drug testing from his probation officer stemming from a marijuana charge in June of 2012.

Altruria police confiscated the pipe and incense before calling the parents of the child.

“This is just another reason the war on drugs must continue,” a lead investigator, who asked to remain anonymous due to an ongoing investigation, told the Tribune Herald. “This substance is legal, and is safer than marijuana.

“Everyone wants to laugh and celebrate 4:20, but this is a serious issue. Drugs like marijuana lead to children eating dolls heads off and thinking that is normal.”

Kevin Sabet, founder of Project SAM (Smart Approaches to Marijuana), also weighed in on the issue.

“K2 and marijuana are one and the same,” Sabet said. “It’s like comparing margarine to butter. We all know marijuana kills; this is further proof. Do we really want a society filled with children eating people’s faces?”

The child is currently being suspended from the school while police investigate Friday’s events.

“There is an ongoing investigation into the incident involving a six-year-old smoking K2 incense at Altruria Elementary School on Friday, May 17,” the police department said in a press release sent to the media on Saturday morning.

“Due to this ongoing investigation, authorities will not comment further at this time.”

Stay tuned for further details as this case continues to unravel.

This article is a satirical production by Scotty Redick. Redick may be reached via email at Scotty.Redick@gmail.com.

Photo Credit: Google Images

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

9 thoughts on “Child smokes K2, eats dolls face

  1. kenny May 18, 2013 at 7:26 pm Reply

    first off, let me begin by quoting the “lead investigator” : “This is just another reason the war on drugs must continue,” a lead investigator, who asked to remain anonymous due to an ongoing investigation, told the Tribune Herald. “This substance is legal, and is safer than marijuana.
    please tell me the last time someone ate the head off of anything after smoking THC? THC and K2 is nothing alike! hence the uncle passing urine analysis… 6 year olds should not be smoking marijuana or K2! and let me also point out to this lead investigator the drug war has been in full force for this young man in tire life and look what he just smoked and it was legal! these cops have got to be the stupidest people on the planet! get your facts straight before you post some b******* like this.

    • Anz May 18, 2013 at 7:38 pm Reply

      It’s just a satire it’s not a real story.

  2. jkg May 19, 2013 at 3:07 am Reply

    “This article is a satirical production by Scotty Redick” – that may be, but judging by recent actual stories of a similar nature (including the “marijuana kills” type of statements), one can be forgiven for assuming that this was a description of an actual event…

  3. Martin May 19, 2013 at 5:28 am Reply

    Reblogged this on 4:20 Smokers Blog.

  4. Ben June 4, 2013 at 5:10 pm Reply

    To say that marijuana and “spice” are “one in the same” is completely unfounded and ridiculous. Marijuana is a flower that grows in the ground; spice is a bag of mixed organic matter sprayed with chemicals that get you high.

    Furthermore, marijuana has never killed anyone. There is no evidence of it causing any type of cancer or even physical addiction. SAM needs to do some research before making wildly false claims.

    If marijuana was made legal, there would be no market for these unregulated, poisonous substances that have been flooding shady gas stations and head shops across the country. Prohibitionists need to take at least some of the blame for this one.

  5. Ben June 4, 2013 at 5:13 pm Reply

    … And I just read that this is a satirical story. Cool, Scotty. First off, this wasn’t even funny. Secondly, usually you’d make it a bit more obvious that it is satire. Since incidents like this are pretty common nowadays, you may want to revamp your methodology of writing fake stories. This was bad and you should feel bad.

    • Ben's Mother June 4, 2013 at 10:15 pm Reply

      LOL Ben… shhhh. Put the dunce hat on and go sit in the corner. You should feel bad for being a gullible douche of a human.

  6. J. Gannom October 19, 2013 at 8:55 pm Reply

    ha haaa Ben Mother and all fans of Ben Mother – juked in da membrane, un pataras expelere invicta teinvoko demonulae !!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 293 other followers

%d bloggers like this: